Are you facing repeated relationship failure?
Maybe it’s not just romantic relationships. Friendships. Family. You face contention and strife over and over again and you’re starting to wonder if the problem is you.
Or maybe, the problem is your personality.
You’re not alone. While there are exceptions to every rule, it’s rare to find a person who is perfectly balanced in all aspects of their personality, exhibiting only the best qualities of all of their tendencies. Most people struggle to overcome themselves in an effort to relate better to other people.
One of the key steps in this process is discovering what type of personality you are, so you can see your world (and your failed relationships) in a more accurate light.
Here are some of the tendencies of each of the four main personality types. These aren’t hard and fast rules, but depending on your DISC profile, your personality may tend towards some of these behaviors, which don’t always translate to happy relationships.
For the dominant, oftentimes “hell is home” and it couldn’t be more true. The dominant doesn’t just want problems or challenges, they need them.
Even if a dominant grew up in a home with substance or physical abuse and hated every second, oftentimes they will recreate that environment later in life. They feel an innate need to overcome challenges – they need to win. The desire to win can be traced back to their insecurity.
In relationships, it doesn’t always translate in a healthy way. Dominants listen in order to direct and control or to agree or disagree, but rarely to understand. They may interrupt the other person with sharp directions on how to fix the problem. They’re a doer, why aren’t you? Goal-oriented, they lack tact and diplomacy which can often build an emotional wall between them and others.
The influencer needs to interact with people in order to feel good about themselves. This is because they have three innate fears; not being liked, failure, and being mischaracterized. Their self-worth can be tied to the opinions of others. They don’t mask emotion – they don’t know how. They’re not just open – they need to communicate with others. They want other people to like them.
In relationships, they usually treat strangers with more respect than their partners. It could be a way to passive aggressively lash out at their partners. They constantly need approval from others and they may spend more time with other people than their partner in order to convince the new person to buy into their own distorted view of themselves.
The submissive personalities have a poker face. They are impossible to read. They are not deceptive, just protective. They don’t want to get too emotional. They are shy. They crave predictability. Security and safety are their most desired goals.
In relationships, they are fully aware of what can go wrong in any situation but they are patient, so they put up with bad situations for a long time. They are prone to addictive behaviors that can go on and on because no one knows they are there. This can hurt their partners, especially if their counterpart is a personality that craves openness.
The compliant personality has to check and re-check everything. They are fear-driven. They do whatever they believe is expected of them without complaint. They are task-oriented versus people-oriented.
In relationships, they will oppose change in an effort to establish personal authority. They do not need people. They find solace in being alone. They may criticize endlessly. They may reveal the inadequacies of others, which can alienate their partners.
Which Are You?
Maybe your personality type jumped right out. You see yourself and your own destructive relationship behavior. But what should you do next?
Book a call with me and let’s talk about your relationships. What’s going wrong? Let’s start by analyzing your behaviors. I’ll give you insight into why you do what you do so you can learn how to break out of old patterns.